BIOGRAPHY.
Rep. Blanton Washington Jefferson Foghorn was born October 15, 1945, in the picturesque town of Dipstick, West Carolina. After his graduation from West Carolina Polytechnicality University, he settled in the Blorple Valley where he has made his home ever since. In 1967, he enrolled in Saint Steve's Divinity School, a pastoral training institute, which, regrettably, made him ineligible to serve in the Vietnam War. Rep. Foghorn's regrettable inability to serve in Vietnam because of his religious commitment has been the greatest disappointment of his life, however, he has always done his share by denouncing all others who did not serve.
Shortly after the Vietnam draft ended, Foghorn decided to leave his pastorate studies to found Foghorn Motors, which has become central upper downstate West Carolina's leading dealership for outsized vehicles. Shocked by the condition of American politics, he declared his candidacy for Congress, promising to "clean up Washington and obtain tax preferences for my supporters." Foghorn's candidacy was supported by Open Fire America, the PAC of the Assault Rifle Importation Association, and the Saudi Fuels Association. Foghorn was opposed by People for the Correct Way, a national alliance of litmus-test limousine liberals masquerading as First Amendment defenders. Foghorn denounced his opponent for paying his taxes, having sexual relations with his own wife, and reading about the Soviet Union. Blanton Foghorn was elected to Congress in November 1994, in a race CBS News called "the dirtiest, lowest, and most disgusting in American political history." So who says the Blorple Falls area isn't setting the pace for the country!
Rep. Foghorn is married to Darlene Foghorn, a junior at Blorple Falls High and president of the local chapter of Judeo-Christians for Mandatory Family Values. All his previous wives have signed confidential settlements that prohibit them from speaking to reporters, so there's no point in trying to track them down.
Rep. Foghorn has received many honors, including being named "Man of the Year" by the Upper Downstate West Carolina Silage Alliance (1997) and “Dealer of the Year” by the SUV Tonnage Association (1998).
