Greetings from Washington, where it is my honor to serve the citizens of the 12th District. How I wish I was back home right now, gazing out on beautiful Blorple Falls and munching on a basket of smoke-fried pigs' gizzards! However, it is my solemn duty to be here in the nation's capital, representing the district and accepting donations.

I know you must watch the evening news every night with great dismay. The moral fiber of our nation is unraveling. Taxes are rising. And Washington keeps sinking your hard-earned tax money into big, wasteful projects in someone else's district! Of course, even though I sit in Congress, which runs the country, I'm not responsible for any of these problems. It's those liberals who are to blame!

That's why I want to use this Web site to keep you informed of all the dramatic steps I am taking to turn the country around, to get this country moving again, to make America proud again, and to ensure my re-election. Click here to see some of the legislation I've been working on.

I hope this gives you some idea of the hard work I am engaged in here in Washington. I'm doing many other things as well, but grand jury regulations prohibit me from disclosing the details.

Let me just close on a personal note. We all know that too often politics focuses on partisan political differences. Isn't it time that we as a nation put our petty squabbles aside and united behind what I believe in?