OUR ISSUES AGENDA
Please join us in fighting for justice on these vital issues:
1. BAN NONVERBAL SEXUAL HARASSMENT. In schools and workplaces around the country, women, gays, and the unconventionally gendered are often subject to the ultimate sexual harassment—unspoken verbal abuse. Supervisors, teachers, or co-workers may not do anything when a female or gay colleague walks by. They may not say anything. They may not act in any way whatsoever. But we know that they are thinking thoughts. And these unknown, unspoken thoughts may constitute a form of harassment.
Studies conducted for People for the Correct Way by Name Your Conclusions Polling Inc., a reputable nonpartisan firm, show that exactly 96.52 percent of American women and gays have been subjected to a nonverbal unwelcoming environment. Sometimes they are looked at. Sometimes co-workers enter their offices and “just want to talk” or to discuss tedious, work-related issues. The entire time the harassers are thinking unspoken thoughts. This must stop!
If you feel you have been the victim of this kind of “stealth bias,” come forward now. People for the Correct Way is soliciting victims for a class-action suit it will file. If you would like to become a victim, just contact us!
2. BAN RACIAL NOTICING.
Bad enough that law enforcement and immigration agencies allow their officers to know what groups are more likely to commit crimes than other groups. Such “racial profiles” strike at the very heart of our rights and our liberties, by causing criminals to be caught!
But just banning racial profiling is not enough. Police are still guilty of “racial noticing.” Many officers notice whether a suspect is black or white. They write this information in police reports. This practice must stop.
People for the Correct Way believes that to make police work truly colorblind, officers should in fact be colorblind. All law enforcement and immigration personnel should be issued special glasses, similar to 3-D movie glasses, that would make it impossible for them to perceive color. Federal legislation would mandate the wearing of these glasses. Officers and agents would also be issued forward-looking infrared sensor devices to compensate for certain depth-perception problems during nighttime use.
3. REPARATIONS FOR THE "FRENCH AND INDIAN" WAR. It is part of our national shame that no U.S. president has ever formally apologized for the atrocities committed during this imperialistic land grab, which only national arrogance allows us even to call the “French and Indian” War. French peoples in modern day Quebec, which should be recognized by the United Nations, call it the War for Universal Liberty and Personal Respect. Native American nations have different terms for this conflict, but many prefer the name, Yahoo and Yankee War.
Congress should allocate reparations to all surviving great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandchildren of combatants in this shameful war. The president should make a symbolic pilgrimage of apology along the route of Gen. Edward Braddock’s conquest, and the Ohio Valley should be returned to its rightful owner, the throne of France.
4. MANDATORY CHOICE.
 Some Americans favor abortion choice and some oppose it. People call this a “debate” because two sides are represented. But one side is right and the other is wrong—what kind of debate is that? There’s an obvious solution: mandatory choice. Americans would not actually be compelled to undergo abortions, at least not as People for the Correct Way currently views the issue. But everyone would be forced to favor the choosing of choice. That way, each person’s conscience would be free to come to the correct conclusion.
5. AMMUNITION REGISTRATION. 
The gun nuts will fight forever against handgun registration, waving the Second Amendment. But the amendment only confers a right to keep and bear “arms.” It doesn’t say a word about ammunition! Suppose ammunition had to be registered—each bullet, individually, requiring a separate permit. Gun nuts would spend so long filling out so many forms, there’d be no time left to shoot!
6. MANDATORY TEACHER HOMOSEXUALITY. Heterosexual teachers merely indoctrinate children on how to be like the majority. If all teachers were required to be homosexual, children would be taught diverse new points of view. Also, this would free up heterosexuals to enter the priesthood. And what if you are heterosexual, but really want and desire to become a teacher? Well, if you want to prove you should be a teacher, show that you are willing to learn!
7. JUSTICE FOR THE CANADIAN JAINISTS. This peaceful, dignified group seeks only the freedom in which to follow its Tirthankaras in their quest for
ahimsa. They quietly read their Agamas and threaten no one! Yet the Svetambaras have repeatedly been victimized in their restaurants by trumped-up food purity charges fabricated by heavy-handed Canadian authoritarian officials, and the Digambaras have been crudely stigmatized by the Canadian press for their insistence on always being nude. As if there’s anything else to look at in Canada! The United States should exert all possible diplomatic pressure on the sinister Ottawa government for justice for the Jainists, up to and including beer tariffs. The U.N. Security Council should consider peacekeeping troops.
8. CONVERT SUVS TO DAY-CARE CENTERS.
Today enormous, wasteful vehicles such as the new Godzilla SUV are used by the overpaid as rolling ego platforms. But what if they could be converted into federally mandated day-care centers that would travel into diverse neighborhoods? Most are amply large enough to host an expansive day-care facility, including playground, library, and soccer field.
9. AIRPORT REFORESTATION. Within years, if not within minutes, global warming may turn our planet into a boiling, baking desert. And yet—hundreds of airports around the country are covered with heat-absorbing concrete, when they might be replanted with lush, cool green trees.
Yes, landings and takeoffs would be a bit bumpier after airport reforestation, but maybe that would just encourage us to travel less and act locally! Ideally, this could be accomplished by a voluntary program, but if necessary U.N. troops could be employed.
10. RESPONSIBLE SPEECH. America is a great nation in no small part because the First Amendment lets us speak our minds. Every American should be free to praise diversity, denounce the religious right, and apologize to indigenous or minority groups. But speech that gives offense isn’t “free.” It has a cost, in hurt feelings. Therefore, we at People for the Correct Way believe the concept of “free speech” should be replaced by “appropriate speech.” Once put into effect, an appropriate-speech law would ban all comments that are not correct and also ban any discussion of the ban. What could be more appropriate?
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