Jeffrey Goldberg and Jack Shafer
Dear Jack,
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StumbleUponWell, it wasn't Ebola that was dragging me down. It seems instead to have been some prosaic winter bug. I'm sure you're sorry to hear that because now you can't dine out on "My friend Goldberg had Ebola" stories for the next century.
I'm still a little dizzy, a little sapped, a little wrung-out, tapped dry--you get the picture, but if I'm not mistaken, did you state in your last e-mail that you were philosophically opposed to washing your hands? Were you attacking Jane Brody of the New York Times for advocating same?
Let me tell you something--and I say this at the risk of sounding Donald Trumpish (if you recall, it is Trump's position that hands are, generally speaking, too dirty to shake)--but, THE PATHOGENS ARE EVERYWHERE! They're colonizing your home, your mouth, your gut, right now!
OK, I'm a little bug-phobic at the moment. By the way, this is why I'm for home-schooling: The only reason I'm sick is because I foolishly allow my children to attend a nursery school in which there are other children present. When, God willing, you become a parent, you will quickly learn that it is always someone else's child who introduced the disease-of-the-week into the school environment.
I haven't done much reading this morning, mostly because I can't yet see straight, but if I understand the large-type headlines, I think I'm about to receive a $1.6 trillion tax break, which is excellent, because now I'll be able to afford a roof-rack for my mini-van.
Did I tell you, by the way, that I chucked the Ford Explorer, and replaced it with a Honda Odyssey? Initially, I tried to sell the Explorer for money, but, when that didn't work, I parked it outside Carmax in the middle of the night and left a note on the windshield: "Please take in my poor Ford Explorer. I can longer support him. God bless you."
Then I spent about $80,000 for the Odyssey. I'm sure it's only a matter of weeks before we read about the tires on Hondas exploding in startling numbers.
I fear leaving you with the last word, but I have to go now and nap, and I don't plan on waking up until Tuesday.
It's been marginally enjoyable, this "Breakfast Table." We should do it again. But don't even think about eating at my house until we see a marked improvement in your standards of personal hygiene.
Best,
Jeff
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Reader Comments From The Fray:
[Notes from the Fray Editor: There was a spirit of friendly enquiry in the Fray: "Do you guys like each other?" asked Beth. "What is a CVS?" came from Dea--and do you need to be rich to find out? (Fletch tells us it's a drugstore.) And Mark wanted to know "What's wrong with a little Masada?"
Posters who weren't asking questions were trying to draw blood. "Breakfast Table" Fray regulars are a nest of trouble-makers. Neill Hamilton demonstrates this here and here, and so does Joseph Britt, whose comment below provoked a thread well worth reading, including a debate on whether basketball is prominent in American culture.]
In response to last week's "Breakfast Table", I and several other Fray posters made the suggestion that this feature would be more interesting if it involved writers who actually disagreed with each other about something.
By "something," I was referring to American politics or something especially prominent in American culture.
Disagreements about whom Israelis should vote for do not count. This is because Israel is a foreign country. Now, I wish Israel well; I like most of the Israelis I have met in my life; I even think how the American government should respond to whatever Israeli government emerges from this week's election is a topic worthy of exploration.
But who would I vote for? Stupid question
--Joseph Britt
(To reply, click here.)
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