"I live in hopes of someday seeing Dick Cheney with his hands unclasped," says Shearer. In general, though, this snippet supports my theory of Cheney, which is that during the last four years, the veep has experienced a degree of self-actualization that the rest of us can only dream about. No more the faithful, competent factotum to more moderate politicians, Cheney unleashed his inner wing nut when he arrived at the White House. Result: not a single heart attack since 2001. Look at him! He's smiling! Top of the world, ma!

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