"NATO's revised bomb strategy."--David Finkle (Chris Thomas, Michael Jenkinson, and Marshall Efron had similar answers.)

"The elite airborne division of Jehovah's Witnesses."--Gary Lee Stonum

"Getting Jews into Ivy Club at Princeton."--Adam Bonin

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's worth an extra three billion."--Daniel Radosh (similarly, Tim Carvell)

"Oh, those tenacious Amtrak folks. They just never give up, do they?"--Molly Shearer Gabel

"China's air-dried-undershorts-stealing project. Before he came to America posing as a university student, agent Jack Allison was known as Zhu Xuesen."--Tim Rogers

"The Allison kids' top-secret 'rocket trampoline' project, of course. Little Billy Allison will be the first trampolonaut, largely because he's the lightest and because he promises not to tell Mom."--Tim Carvell

"Building the second generation of Apache helicopters, precision-engineered to land on a dime and make an automatic 50-mile detour around any battle site."--Tamara Glenny (similarly, Jennifer Miller)

"The Kaye Ballard mid-season replacement series Next Stop: Bubbyville. (Once again, CBS is going for the younger viewers.)"--Bill Scheft

"The project was Pushing Tin, which lands in your video store next week."--Matt Sullivan

"I dunno, but if it stars Adam Sandler, I bet the studios green-light it."--Alison Rogers

"Alien gerontological recipe-snatching."--Richard Nikonovich-Kahn

"The really smart bomb."--Norm Oder

"Santa's Sleigh 2000."--Chrysa Kieke-SciglitanoI and Andrew Silow-Carroll (similarly, Beth Sherman and Mark Craven)

"Project Riding Hood."--Daniel Radosh (similarly, Paul Van Vleck, Peter Carlin, and Robert Rothman)

"Federal Express' new Cruise Missile Service: 'When it absolutely, positively has to get there that night, with minimal collateral damage.' "--Andrew Silow-Carroll

"Grandpa's role-playing debacle: attempt No. 57 'the giant slingshot.' "--Danny Spiegel

"The new door-to-door service VTOL airplane set to replace the casino buses that ferry old folks to the slot machines they crave."--Ben Heller

"I don't know but my grandma is an NRA member so that sneaky bastard will have more than a clothesline to worry about."--Herb Terns

"The Lawn Gnome Catapult."--Justin Warner

"The Viagra Preparedness Parachuting Club."--Martin Willett

"Is it part of Dick Armey's Social Security reform?"--Jay Carvell

"I'm assuming it has something to do with the Buchanan campaign."--Greg Narver

"Project Impatiens, disposing of nuclear waste by hiding it in granny's garden."--William Considine

"I know this has something to do with Art Bell, but I can't say any more: they're watching me ...."--Raphael Laufer

"Setting up his son, Jack Jr.'s basketball hoop. 'Dad, just put up the darn hoop already and quit it with the slide rule,' Jr. said."--Dave Gaffen

"The Kervorkian Society's 'Death Express' program. Just call 1-800-GET-DEAD. If grandma isn't on ice in 30 minutes, your next euthanasia is free."--D. Dufresne

"Project Magoo. Its goal: to help blind grandfathers have anal sex with precision."--Matt Sullivan

"The Disney/ABC project to clone Keith Jackson. Whooooooaaa Nellie!"--Richard A. DeCamp

"The American Airlines thunderstorm response team. They're still working on it."--Peter Carlin (similarly, Ed Feinour, Mark Greenberg, Jon Greenberg, Justin Warner, Greg Narver, Darren Thorneycroft, and Michael Basial)

"AARP Panty Raid 2000."--Steve Spencer (similarly, Elliot Cohen and William Considine)

"NATO's Belgrade panty raid."--Katha Pollitt

"Project Penile Projectile, a UC-San Francisco erectile implant clinic."--Carrie Rickey

"That's from the script from the new Trojan 'land in grandma's backyard' ad about condoms for the elderly."--Brent Curtis

Self-Reference Corner

"PETA wants to perfect a way for cosmetic companies to perform tests on humans using robotic probes. And Slate should be ashamed that it accepts advertising from such an odious organization!"--Jon Marks

"Aha, Randy, this must the project you're working on, the one that involves having your readers write all your columns. (What's next? New York Times readers solving each other's ethical queries?) Oh, yeah, and my grandmother says she's getting a restraining order because you're really starting to creep her out."--Francis Heaney