"With enough alcohol, all things are possible."—Terri Gradine (Mark Romoser had a similar answer, but Jim Traficant)

"Ohio, almost a palindrome."—Jon Greenberg (similarly, Noah Meyerson and Jon Zerolnick)

" '24-Hour Live Hot Talk With Horny Wet Ohio Babes Dial 1-976-OHIOSEX.' It seems a little much for a tax return, I have to agree."—Charlie Glassenberg (similarly, Michael Maiello)

"Ohio: Where All Your Constitutionally Protected Rights Apply, Save for the First, Fifth, and Seventh Amendments!"—Tim Carvell

" 'Don't tread on me.' It was the plaque on the sidewalk that really rendered this inoperable."—Daniel Radosh

"Rock and Roll Hall of Fame $5 off coupon."—Noah Meyerson (similarly, Peter O'Toole)

"Where do you want to go today?"—Jon Zerolnick

"We shot Larry Flynt!"—Beth Sherman (similarly, Jason Ross, plus some regular participants I've lost for procedural reasons. It'll all come out at that hearing.—ed)

"Hey Mapplethorpe, take that fist out of that ass."—Shannon "The whole controversy erupted in Cincy, remember? Seriously!" Deegan

"Come for our museums. Stay for our obscenity trials."—Kevin Guilfoile

"Cleveland: Not just for three-headed fish anymore."—Dola Nasr

"Ohio. Now with 15 percent less dioxin."—Lance Durbin

"Sic Semper Tyrannosaurus. 'That's what you get for letting a paleontologist write your state motto,' said the presiding judge."—Floyd Elliot

"For a good time, call Bob Taft, governor of Ohio (614-466-3555)."—Francis Heaney

"Put me down as 'secretly ashamed to be similar' for any answer that mangles 'buckeye' into something vulgar."—Doug Ingram

"There's only one 'Big O' ... Ohio."—Amanda Charles

" 'Have a day,' accompanied by a smiley face whose smile has flattened into a horizontal line. Psychiatrists complain this is counteracting the effect of prescribed antidepressants in Ohio."—Deborah "No, Really, I LOVED Living in the Midwest" Wassertzug

" 'Ontogeny Recapitulates Phylogeny.' The court ruled that Ohio was being 'too damned smartass.' "—Michael Mannella

"Jews out of Shaker Heights!!!!!"—Larry Amoros (similarly, Colin Delaney)

"Screw you Neil Young."—Cliff Schoenberg (similarly, Noah Meyerson, Peter Carlin, and Mike Branom)

" 'From the desk of Herschel T. Leibman, deputy assistant comptroller.' Frankly, it was weak state motto anyway."—Charlie Glassenberg

"With an AK-47 all things are possible"—Cynthia Morrill (similarly, Joel Grus)

"What are they gonna do, send in the marshals? Huh. I think yer a little beyond yer jurisdiction there Mr. Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals."—David Feige

" 'www.ohiosongs.com,' where Web surfers can download the state song and a ton of Metallica bootlegs."—Charlie Glassenberg

"Gateway to Kentucky."—Greg Diamond (similarly, Marsha Fleming)

"Flat but pleasant enough, considering."—Peter Lerangis

"Who cares? Nobody pays any attention to those Midwestern circuits."—Dawn Aberg

"Vote Republican"—Doug Salvesen

"Atheists are assholes."—Phil Birnbaum (similarly, Mark Romoser)

"Carpe Pudendum."—Walt Morgan

"Land of the Northernmost Miami Relatives."—Steven Davis

"The Blow-Me State"—Adam Bonin (similarly, Jennifer Weiner, as in "Jen said Show-Me State," and then we figured out how to make it funny.)

"Michigan sucks."—Andrew Staples (similarly, David C. Swanson, Peter Goldstein; but Pennsylvania, Colin Delaney; but Illinois, Charlie Glassenberg; but Indiana, Jason Ross, Steven Davis, Dwight Lemke, and Jon Delfin, not asking for any sympathy whatsoever as he sits here typing less than 12 hours after rotator-cuff surgery)

"The greater the portion of vowels in your state's name, the higher evolved you are. And by the way, screw Iowa."—Danny Spiegel

Round and High Corner

"We're round on both ends and high in the middle. (Banned for promoting overeating and drug use.)"—Francis Heaney (similarly, John Tyrrell, Katha Pollitt, Kathy Whitesel, and Tim Olevsky)

"What's High in the Middle and Round on Both Ends? (The motto was banned not so much on constitutional grounds, but just because, as one justice put it, 'It's stupid.')"—Tim Carvell

"We don't need Viagra to make us HI in the middle, baby."—Jim Cochran

Self-Reference Corner

" 'Learning and Labor.' Oh wait, that's the motto of the college I attended in Ohio. But it's worth banning too, huh?"—Daniel Radosh

"'With Dog All Things Are Pissable.' I'm sorry, that's the motto of our cocker spaniel, Casey (a k a Doofus)."—Mark 'Perpetual Carpet-Cleaning Machine' Wade

"This is, really, far too easy a question. What about the dawn monkey? Can you bring that back?"—Colin Delaney