"Popular Vibrator. I must say, I had no idea."—Greg Diamond (Andrew Puzzio had a similar answer.)

"Evil Robot Monthly. Apparently they just don't make them like they used to."—Francis Heaney

"Pretentious Golf Club Monthly."—Mark Wade

"New York Yankee Roster Weekly."—Roger Hipp

"Presidential Candidate Fancier. (Watch for the special Buchanan-Hagelin double issue!)"—Mark Romoser (similarly, Beth Sherman, Francis Heaney, Carl Dietrich, Will Vehrs, Chris Gwaltney, Rich Scherer, Vincent Basehart, and Josh Pollack)

"Generic Young Movie Star Monthly. Ulrich's son Skeet is on the current cover."—Daniel Radosh (similarly, David Finkle and Steven Davis)

"Sausage Aficionado."—Keith Kurtz (similarly, Charlie Glassenberg, Tim Lundberg, Traci Mosser, and Jim Stallard)

"Journal of the American Alchemy Association."—Will Vehrs

"Saturday Night Special Special Edition."—Will Vehrs

"Psychiatry Today. He's talking about modern antidepressants. 'They're all grrrrreat!' "—Rose White

"Well, the obvious answer is a hot joke, but really, any eastern European meat tube would apply. Hey, that's it: Eastern European Meat Tube Quarterly!"—Evan Brady

"Tobacco Additives Today."—Will Vehrs

"Contemporary Orgasm."—Ellis Weiner

"Martha Stewart Living."—David Feige

"Inflatable Sex Toy Illustrated."—Tim Carvell

"Esquire. Ulrich was promoting the Breast Implant/New Economy theme issue. Cover story: 'On Silicone Hills in Silicon Valley,' by Norman Mailer. Oh, the glory days are back!"—Jim O'Grady

"Wow. I guess those Transformers really are more than meets the eye."—Tim Olevsky

"Creating a Boy Band for Fun and Profit. Or is 200 materials too many? Sounds like Ulrich is about six months late on dot-com mania."—Fred Petrick

"Made-for-TV Movie Weekly. Oh, wait, that's Robert Urich's magazine."—Daniel Radosh (similarly, Paul Tullis and Erin H. Murphy)

"The Burpee seed catalog. I'm particularly fond of the ones that grow tomatoes in the shape of Jayne Mansfield."—Francis Heaney

"Coffins and Caskets Illustrated. And yes, Bob Hope is a subscriber."—Charlie "I Knew I Could Force a Bob Hope Joke out of That One" Glassenberg

"TV News Presenters Today. (OK, so he was lying, but hey—he's got issues to sell)."—John Beaglehole

"I dunno, but I wouldn't read any magazine edited by Robert Ulrich."—Jason L. Bakke

Tire Reference Corner

"Tires & Leisure."—Brooke Saucier (similarly, Mark Romoser and Dave Scheff)

"Doesn't this call for a 'Firestone-tire-free zone?"—Charlie Glassenberg (similarly, Tim Carvell)

"Tires? Cell phones? Where's Ralph Nader when you need him? Oh ..."—Anthony Wright

Breast & Etc. Reference Corner

"Sharon Stone's Ass Digest."—Susan Vance

"Cher's Lips."—Larry Amoros

"Wonderbra Aficionada."—Doug Welty

"U.S. News & Breast Implant Report."—Jon Hotchkiss (similarly, Will Vehrs, Mark Shotzberger, Michael Koehler, and Justin Ferrari)

"Supermodel Digest."—Greg Narver

"Dan Tanna's Toupee World."—Brooke Saucier (similarly, Mark Wade and Anthony Wright)

"Playboy. Be advised, the surgeon general warns that titanium-composite implants may still lead to long-term complications."—Walt Morgan (similarly, David Gilison)

Self-Reference Corner

"Japanese Cell Phone Monthly. Ulrich was apparently unaware of Tomonori Ikeda's plight."—Andrew Puzzio

News Kwiz for Kidz Korner

"Today we honor amalgamation! Amalgamation is a process by which, um, various materials are, um, made into components—go ask your parents."—Greg Diamond