"The last remaining Concordes."—Marty Byrne

"They are just the finest damn hairdressers in the U.S. Marine Corps with a rank above captain!"—Brita J. McNay

"They are the unicorns who work for Promise Keepers International, helping men find virgin brides; they have a lead on a 9-year-old in a Parisian suburb, but they've got to get there quick!"—Rose White

"Professor XXX; pornographic superheroes."—Matt Sullivan (Tim Carvell, Mark Wade, David Oakes, and Shelby Clark had similar answers.)

"They're the last two original Playboy bunnies, and what they do these days is sit around drooling on their oatmeal, not unlike Hef."—Steven Davis (similarly lapine, Joe Janssen; but higher tech, Mark Romoser; but aging Hooterites, Mark Shotzberger)

"The Bush-Cheney offshore oil-drilling tour is set to begin."—Will Vehrs

"Two operatives from the worldwide network of MAGIC: THE GATHERING players; they will be the candidates of the Natural Law Party in the presidential race."—Deborah Wassertzug

"Globe-trotting escorts, about to be certified as uniquely STD free."—Jay Parekh

"Van Morrison and Barry Levinson, respectively. They forcibly elicit nostalgic feelings in baby boomers."—Daniel Radosh

"Someone should tell Mystic and Avalon that American Gladiators was canceled about five years ago. They should really get on with their lives."—Mark Wade

"They're code names for the last surviving relatives of Al Gore. They become involved in tragedies. That way, the vice president can keep giving speeches about family tragedies that changed his life and political views."—Fred Petrick

"They are chatty entertainers who work for the National Security Agency. They are being maintained as the contingency plan if Gelman keeps drawing a blank on replacing Kathie Lee. The American people have no idea how bad they are going to miss Bill Clinton. Whatever the national crisis is, this guy has got it covered!"—Tim Lowell

"Geraldo Rivera remains convinced that with the right equipment, he can locate the Minnow and its crew."—Will Vehrs

"This is news to me. I didn't realize anyone in San Diego worked."—David Finkle

"The new delivery boys for Kozmo.com."—Larry Amoros

"Two of the original Watergate plumbers, finally released from their 25-year indentured servitude at the Nixon San Clemente 'Western White House.' "—Peter Lerangis

"They're self-employed, as are all decent Republican symbols in this great nation of ours. Oh beautiful, for spacious skies ..."—Steven Davis

"Skateboard studs! Licensed to the Extreme Games!"—Carrie Rickey

"There is a reason the Navy calls them SEALS, you know."—David Feige

"They work for Brian Eno, and are the only two Roxy Music cover bands in existence."—Giuliano Valentino

"Mystic and Avalon are dogs who work at the airport. They specialize in people trying to sneak in or out large shipments of healing crystals. They also sniff gurus, faith healers, and yoga masters. If they find one who isn't pure at heart, they water his leg for him."—Marcia Hatman

"They work for Qualcomm, and they are the wireless phone fairies who live in every cell phone."—Richard Primoff

"The Democratic anti-Semite sweepers, ready for troubled Waters."—Will Vehrs

"The CIA. They're trained attack dolphins who swim around the high seas looking for things to blow up (like Russian subs, perhaps?)."—Mark Romoser

"Those Secret Service agents have a name for everything, including (apparently) Al Gore's charisma and Joe Lieberman's piety."—Anthony Wright

"How do you certify a Giant Panda for 'return to action'? Is this the San Diego Zoo's euphemistic way of referring to breeding? Why am I asking you?"—Steven Davis

"Mystic and Avalon are two pandas at the San Diego Zoo scheduled to assist in the Russian submarine rescue. Because they are on loan from China, political pundits anticipate Russia will save face politically. Nonetheless, the kindly folks at BBC Scotland are pissed!"—Walt Morgan

"Current stage names of the Smothers Brothers."—Dan Dickinson

"Portable gambling casinos, moored on offshore islands; send that Rattanna bitch Susan there to cool off."—John Foster

"They are spokesmodels for the International Chamber of Commerce, and they travel the world to promote American culture abroad and are always getting their limbs broken."—Sean Carman

"As members of the only other species that routinely uses sex as recreation, Mystic and Avalon, recently retired from Sea World, have been recruited by Heidi Fleiss for her new stable of trained surrogate dolphins."—Deborah Guy

"The product of a long-forgotten eugenics experiment (see the film Goldengirl, starring the great Susan Anton), Mystic and Avalon are genetically engineered daughters for presidential candidates. With their central processors directly linked to supercomputers containing up-to-the minute opinion-poll results, they faultlessly expound the appropriate positions on any issue. Stunningly beautiful but strangely sexless, they will enter careers as news anchors following this year's election."—Evan Cornog

Self-Reference Corner

"I'll have you know that I walk my beet at least once, sometimes twice a day."—Evan Brady

"All right, how did Ellis Weiner get today's answer on Wednesday's quiz? I don't know about anyone else, but the Reform Party dolphins are starting to look good to me."—Mark Wade

News Kwiz 4 Kids Korner

"Today we honor San Diego, home of a great zoo, great beaches, lots of people who shop in Tijuana—and Gail Chater! At least it used to be. Gail went to high school with me in Illinois. She was the only cheerleader who would give me the time of day. Then her family moved to San Diego after junior year. I wrote her, and she wrote me back once, but then she stopped answering my letters. She was really nice. I'll bet she'd really like me if she knew me now, kidz. I bet she would."—Greg Diamond