"It's got to be either a Bill of Rights or a way of cooking beef that doesn't involve boiling."—Floyd Elliot

"Pilgrims?"—David Oakes

"Hepatitis C."—Mark Wade

"A soft and doughy upper lip."—Ed Page

"Lotto? It's not just for stupid, poor Americans."—Steven Davis

"Scientific and medical justifications for politicians' peccadilloes. (And I'll bet Jack Straw isn't his real name either.)"—Deborah Guy

"A Bill of Rights. I guess it's only fair that they got one; we were pretty much done with ours anyway."—Greg Diamond

"Adjustable-rate mortgages."—Carrie Rickey

"Central heat."—Floyd Elliot

"Bobbies will now carry 'fire sticks,' as the primitive Brits refer to them."—Francis Heaney (Mark Wade had a similar answer.)

"With all the lobbying he's involved in, how does Charlton Heston find time to travel?"—Joseph Welch (similarly gunnish, Brooke Saucier, Keith Marpole, Raymond Chen, Will Vehrs, and Julie Carwile)

"Um, did they finally get permission to shoot from behind rocks and bushes instead of standing in the middle of the field in their red coats like idiots?"—David McShane

"Deficit spending? Uh ... or, maybe White guilt? No. Wait! I know: ironic distance!"—Jon Drumwright

"The Declaration of Independence (and giving it to them is the least we can do—after all, they gave us Maxim)."—Matt Sullivan

" 'What the hell am I going to wipe my ass with?' exclaimed Chief Justice William Rehnquist, until an aide explained to him that our own Bill of Rights would not be removed to London."—Josh Kamensky

"Oral sex. It's about time, too."—Chris Gwaltney

"Codified guidelines for personal hygiene."—M. G. Lord

"Tax free, homemade whiskey. About time."—Will Vehrs (similarly, Scott Murphy)

"Legacy admissions to elite universities."—Charles Star

"The Betty Crocker Cookbook."—David Finkle

"Proper sausage."—Jon Drumwright

"Those little filter bags of instant coffee that will allow even the weakest of Britons to brew a cuppa—of coffee!"—Rose White

"The ability to use minorities and immigrants as scapegoats for all society's evils!"—Mark Shotzberger

"For many years, the British home secretary and his wife had been trying to have a baby. All of modern science was thrown into the attempt to no avail. At last, he resolved to let his public service be his legacy to the future and accepted the fact that, indeed, he was the last Straw."—Steven Davis

Alte Cocker Corner

"Strom Thurmond."—Bill Scheft, Jeffrey Bendix, Steven Davis, Jon Delfin, Timothy Annett, Josh Kamensky, Will Vehrs, Mark Shotzberger, Fred Petrick, and Jon Drumwrigh

"Bob Hope."—Brita J. McNay, Ed Page, and Sharon Dynek

"Not so fast: Bob Hope was born in England!"—Greg Diamond

"Dick Clark."—Greg Steffensen and Josh Kamensky

"Bess Meyerson?"—Gary Drevitch

"The McGlaughlin Group."—Jon Hotchkiss

Dental Canard Corner

"A toothbrush."—Paul Tullis (similarly, Francis Heaney and Chris Troutt)

"An orthodontist."—Kelly Cosgrov, Joseph Welch, Jonathan E. Snow, and Jesse Oxfeld

"Porcelain false teeth and two-ply toilet paper."—Bob Morgan (similarly, sort of, Josh Kamensky)

Self-Reference Corner

"A Sherman. Beth (actually in London) Sherman."—Beth Sherman

"Hey, I dated a Brit named Ann Widdecombe, of course she wasn't my secretary, but she was always denouncing me as a 'mechanism for all sorts of nonsense.' You think maybe I should ... ? You're right, probably not."—Chris Gwaltney

"New Jersey [rimshot], Strom Thurmond [rimshot], Newz Kwiz for Kidz [rimshot]."—Evan Brady

Newz Kwiz 4 Kids Korner

"Today we honor the United Kingdom! England swings like a pendulum do! The Fab Four! Sean Connery's Bond! The Goon Show! Petula Clark! Monty Python! Johnny Rotten! Elvis Costello! Ab Fab! Prime Suspect! Mike Leigh films! The Crying Game! And nowadays—well, slowed down a bit, innit? Face it, kidz, England used to produce some of the best culture in the world, and you missed it. Now you have to pretend to be too cool to enjoy that old stuff. Enjoy your electronica and hip-hop and movies with big explosions, though."—Greg Diamond