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Smells Like Holy SpiritChristian rock on a par with the Beatles, Clapton, and Nirvana.

If you have ever had the misfortune to listen to Christian pop music, you have surely noticed that it is truly, undeniably, irredeemably rotten. Almost without exception, it is flaccid weeny garbage, lame knockoffs of boy-band pabulum and quiet storm ick. If this is the heavenly choir, I'll take hell. (In fairness, I once heard a not-bad Christian reggae album with a world-class title: Nothing To Dread.)

So pay tribute to Nancy Mari, whose Re-Versed Lyrics, is a Web site of "Christian lyrics that can be sung to popular tunes." Re-Versed Lyrics has no sound clips, only text. Even so, it's a gift for Christians who demand decent music. Instead of listening to the latest dreck from Third Day or Amy Grant, you can groove to Lou Bega's "Mambo #Five," reborn as "Praise Number Five."

A little bit of Jesus in my life,
A little bit of heaven by my side,
A little bit of goodness is what I need,
A little bit of God's work is what I see.
A little bit of wonder in his Son …

The Beatles "Revolution" becomes a song about creationism, "Evolution":

You believe in evolution—well, you know,
it's a thought-provoking view
I think it's a convolution, well, you know
Of what God had planned to do
But when you say that there's no master plan
I think you probably just don't understand

Underneath there's gotta be design [3X]

Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" comes back as "Smells Like Holy Spirit," with lyrics that are a lot more comprehensible—if less poetic—than Kurt Cobain's.

In His Glory, it´s less dangerous
He is risen, exon´rate us
Jesus´ love is so contagious
He is risen, exon´rate us.

Re-Versed Lyrics offers rewrites for almost 100 other songs, including "Biblethumping" (for "Tubthumping"), "Prayin' in the Classroom" ("Smokin' in the Boys' Room"), "His Word" ("Hell's Bells"), "Addicted to God" ("Addicted to Love"), and "Tears in Heaven" ("Tears in Heaven").

It must be said that the lyrics often don't rival the originals—"Karma Chameleon" becomes "Rock o' Stability"? Still, they surely measure up to the re-versed musical one Slate editor performed in at her Jewish summer camp: Fannie.

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David Plotz is Slate's editor. He is the author of Good Book: The Bizarre, Hilarious, Disturbing, Marvelous, and Inspiring Things I Learned When I Read Every Single Word of the Bible. You can e-mail him at .
COMMENTS

Reader Comments From The Fray:


[Notes from the Fray Editor: Some unexpected directions here. We knew there would be replies like Angry Catholic's: "Perhaps when you die you will go to hell, and what hell would that be? Soft-rock, Christian gospel played forever and ever and ever and ever." And that someone (in this case Joey Giraud, yes, apparently the one who writes so reasonably below) would tell Angry Catholic "Stop yer bitchin you Christian whiner." But we were most definitely not expecting the first line of Joe R's post, below. Ernie was inspired by another recent Culturebox to ask "Is there or has there ever been such a thing as Christian jazz?" We liked the way Tom R took it seriously--this post got an interesting thread going, getting onto the subject of Gregorian chant here. And History Guy has a hilarious new take on some old tricks here: singing Emily Dickinson to the tune of the Coke song…]


This may be fairly obvious, but the reasons why Christians like Christian rock/pop/hymnody is rather different than why teenagers may like Brittany Spears et al. Plotz asking why he should take this music seriously ignores the primary motivation of its listeners.

On the other hand, if he granted a primary spiritual motivation, and then asked why certain bands/singers/composers were better or worse, he may just come close to responsibly criticizing this one facet of our culture. Not that he would have to be Christian or even religious to be critically responsible here. Some of the best renditions of Bach's choral works are done in Japan by non-Christian performers. But they certainly recognize the context of the original in their work, just as we ought to critique Spears or day camp renditions of Fannie in their own contexts.

--Tom R

(To reply, click here.)


Christian rock and reggae and rap and suchlike can be compared to Christianized sodomy, homosexuality and prostitution. All are a contradiction in terms. The only obligation Christians have to the world is to preach the Gospel that the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ effected salvation from eternal destruction in hell's fires.

--Joe R

(To reply, click here.)


I have a few professional Evangelical musician friends who've written such songs as Jesus Christ is coming soon and Rapture take me now. I've listened to their trials and tribulations in developing these.

The biggest roadblock to writing a first rate Born Again type Christian song is the power of the emotional experience of being filled with the Holy Spirit makes any lyrical art fade by comparison. So the writer is reduced to platitude and repetition of the mantras that led to the writer's figurative rapture.

The better ones involve some sort of metaphor or word play, cleverly turning a common cliche into an effective sales pitch. (Sales pitch is what really sets Christianity apart from the others. Christianity is market aware. )

Another big problem is that the whole Biblical imagery field has been pretty well trodden over the past 2 millenia. There are few original thoughts left to express.

--Joey Giraud

(To reply, click here.)

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